


Father's Trip

by SuperDarkRose



Series: You Look Perfect Tonight [4]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Daddy Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Praise Kink, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, attempted self-harm, not in that order but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-09 21:33:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperDarkRose/pseuds/SuperDarkRose
Summary: As father trips went this had to be the best that he’s ever been on.Pekka's seen years of father trips, his dad normally making the long trip from Finland to watch him in three or four different games. It always made his heart swell with pride every time he saw his Dad smiling like he just won the Stanley Cup. That was his next goal in his life, and he would do it. The one goal that he didn’t except to achieve was that of his younger goaltender, and them now being in a intimate relationship with each other. It was still so very fresh, barely a week of sleeping together, and god was that fantastic. Sure they’ve only exchanged some very heated hand-jobs, but even that got Pekka’s blood boiling.///Or that one weekend every year that teams take with their dads, uncles, etc. to watch them play. This year Juuse has another daddy to come with him this weekend ;)





	1. Pekka

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! I wrote the Father's Trip!
> 
> I wanted so desperately to write about that famed trip after Pekka had won in a all time winning shutout and the Juuse losing in a shootout the day after. Both experienced two different games, and so this chapter will feature the elation of a win, and the other will feature the hurt of a loss. So, yes there will be praise kink/daddy kink once again, and hurt/comfort that I absolutely love. This can be read as a stand-alone, but if you would like to read my other series you may do so [here!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12817455/chapters/29261769)
> 
> If you didn't guess there will be sexual content in this chapter as well, so if that's not something you care for then you don't have to read this. Also, this first chapter will be about Pekka, and the other chapter will be about Juuse. So, you'll see a change between POV in each chapter. Just a heads up while you're reading. Again, assume that they're speaking Finnish privately to each other. 
> 
> This work is unbetaed, so any and all grammatical errors or misspellings are all mine. 
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy!

**Pekka's POV**  

 

 

* * *

 

 

   


As father trips went this had to be the best that he’s ever been on.

Pekka's seen years of father trips, his dad normally making the long trip from Finland to watch him in three or four different games. It always made his heart swell with pride every time he saw his Dad smiling like he just won the Stanley Cup. That was his next goal in his life, and he would do it. The one goal that he didn’t except to achieve was that of his younger goaltender, and them now being in a intimate relationship with each other. It was still so very fresh, barely a week of sleeping together, and god was that fantastic. Sure they’ve only exchanged some very heated hand-jobs, but even that got Pekka’s blood boiling.

He had remembered Thanksgiving morning and how he had been sleeping peacefully when the sun began to peek through the blinds, reminding him of the day that he had awaiting for him. He was slightly disorientated as he slowly stirred awake. He felt warm, warmer than what he had remembered from last night. That was when everything from the night before came back to him in a blur of pleasure, color, and touch. He slowly opened his eyes and found the small body of his young goaltender, naked, and solid in the embrace of his arms.

He sighed, snuggling into his warmth, feeling tears prick his eyes at the happiness that suddenly engulfed him in waves. His hand was hanging low over the younger mans abdomen, feeling the soft course of hair leading to his morning wood, already hardening underneath his light touches.

He didn't touch, just wanting to enjoy the lazy morning, and he did. He slowly stroked his thumb back and forth over the younger man's stomach, and went to kiss the back of his neck. He felt the slight shiver underneath his lips, as he heard Juuse sigh with the signs of stirring awake. He felt the younger goaltender stiffen slightly before relaxing into the touch, possibly forgetting where he was until he had realized as well.

He watched as he turned over in his arms to face him, and his heart nearly burst at the sight. Juuse was just so soft in the morning light spilling into the room. The golden rays of the sun making his crystal blue eyes shine like diamonds as he smiled at him. The smile was so fond that a tightening in his chest almost took his breath away. He was completely taken, and he knew that this wouldn't be the end of these newfound feelings.

He saw that his eyes had matched the very same emotions that he felt, because suddenly he was burying himself against his chest, snuggling until he flush up against his body. Their legs tangled as he moved his hand to give lazy strokes over his back. He heard Juuse sigh happily against him as he went to give the softest of kisses to the top of his head.

"Good morning baby" His voice was still husky, rough, but soft when he spoke, still trying to chase away the sleep clouding his vocal cords.

Something must have spurred the younger man on, because before he knew it he was being straddled, and a shock of pleasure sparked right up through his spine as his morning wood rubbed up against the younger man. If he hadn't been sure about Juuse's morning wood before, he sure was now. A gasp escaped his lips as Juuse ground down against him, smiling innocently all the while.

The troublemaker.

"Good morning daddy. Do you feel like playing again? Before breakfast, please?" His words hit him full force in the chest and went straight to south, making his dick twitch again with interest. His smile was so innocent he wasn't sure at first if he was serious, but that changed after feeling the hard erection of the younger goaltender's dick rubbing against his own. He wasn't innocent at all, not one bit. God he wouldn't survive this 22 year old.

He sighed, his head falling back to the pillows, eyes closing as he tried to think calming thoughts. It wouldn't be any good as he felt a pair of soft wet lips covering his own, and he fell victim to his younger goaltenders sexual proweness once again. He moved his hands up to stroke over the younger man's back, feeling the way his lean muscles moved, and shifted underneath his touch.

His body was smaller than his own but the strength he felt underneath was so powerful, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would become the next face for the franchise when he was finally done.

These thoughts were all erased by the swivel of strong hips rubbing their dicks together in a tantalizing dance that took his breath away. His hands instantly fell to the younger man's hips, helping to move him along until they fit perfectly alongside one another.

Juuse gasped, a moan escaping through his throat, his head falling onto Pekka's shoulder as he thrust gently against him. Pekka took advantage of the smooth pale skin of the younger goaltenders neck, trailing his lips down to suck more marks along his shoulders. He heard him gasp again, his hips moving a bit faster as Pekka bit down, causing a blooming bruise to rise up on his pale skin.

"Oh fuck daddy." Juuse gasped, a breath of a whisper as Pekka licked the wound to sooth the ache from his bite.

"Baby, come on," his voice was rough, not just from the sleep this time, but from the sexual arousal that coursed through him. He knew he wouldn't last, he was already on edge after waking up to the younger man's naked body pressed up against him. But as he moved his hands further down to grip onto the curve of Juuse's ass, he felt the younger man stiffen and nearly cum as he stopped moving altogether.

"Daddy! Oh fuck daddy I'm so close daddy." Juuse moaned whorishly.

The sounds that escaped the younger man spurred Pekka on to take a tight grip onto Juuse's ass, planting his feet onto the bed, spreading his legs, so he could have a better advantage to move against the younger man.

"Come on baby. Get..get us off. I..I can't.." His words were stopped by the unbearable pleasure that struck him to the core, but Juuse understood.

He leaned down, taking his mouth for his own as his hand slid down in between their bodies which were still flush against each other. He took a moment to watch Juuse take their erections and press them together, making him throw his head back, a deep groan escaping him at the sensation.

The younger goaltender didn't fair too much better as a whine escaped him, before he was capturing his lips once again. He started to stroke them together, the best way that he knew Juuse could, and their tongues intertwined as they climbed higher and higher until he was close to breaking. The gentle tugs and strokes made him soar before he finally couldn't hold back any longer.

"Come on daddy. Come on. Let go for me."

That's all the permission he needed before his body practically arched into the younger man above him, and came undone by his very capable hands. He didn't remember saying a word, but as the high of his orgasm had peaked everything went fuzzy white, before he slowly came back down to earth. He was still coming back down when he felt Juuse humping frantically on top of him, until he sat up on top of him, allowing him to watch with lazy eyes as Juuse jerked himself off over him.

"Oh fuck daddy." He said in a soft whine before coming over his abdomen. Pekka groaned, cursing himself for watching as the younger goaltender came apart above him. The sight was just so erotic that if he were younger he might be able to get up again, but unfortunately his body just ached with the satisfaction of a very pleasant orgasm. His body still protested even by the softest of touches, too much sensations after already coming apart.

He felt Juuse collapse on top of him, breathing heavily against his chest as they both slowly came back to the present. A pair of familiar soft lips captured his once again, as they traded lazy gentle kisses between each other. As sex went this had to be the best. It was gentle, almost lazy, and it had left him thoroughly boneless.

He hummed satisfied against Juuse's lips as he nipped onto his bottom lip. He groaned before pulling the younger man back until he laying on top of him again. His hands stroking over his back, while feeling the slight sweat that had appeared while they writhed against each other. He loved the feeling underneath his fingertips, as they laid underneath the afterglow of their love-making, and the soft light filtering through the blinds.

"Can we take a shower now? I feel gross."

Pekka couldn't help but laugh after having sex and that was the first thing Juuse says. "So, are you hungry or do you feel gross? Which is it?"

"Both. Now don't argue. I want to shower, and then eat some food. You still need to call your dad too. Otherwise he'll think you forgot about him."

Pekka blushed, because his father was sure to see right through him as he always did, but he never said a word. One of the many reasons why he loved him so much. His parents had always supported him in his life, and with that being said, they knew he was Bisexual. They had found him numerous times back home, bringing back either a girl or a guy over. At first they had thought nothing of it whenever he brought guys over, thinking they were just friends, that is, until his mother had walked into his room to get his laundry on a lazy weekend, and found him and his current boyfriend at the time, naked, asleep, and curled up around each other. He had been mortified when he woke up to find his mother in the doorway to his room, staring in shock at the sight before her.

He felt like his life had been over. His boyfriend certainly didn't want to see him again after that, but to his surprise his parents had just been shocked that he never told them. They were usually very close, and for him to hide something like this from them, had upset them very much. They had talked to him, and had warned him to just be careful, but otherwise had supported his life, and whoever he had a relationship with.

As he grew he learned the life cruel joke of love and how it could rip one's heart out at an instant. He thought he had found love at one point until she had turned around and said she couldn't do it any longer. He learned then that not everyone was very accepting to those who were gay. It hurt. More than hurt. He had opened himself up. He had finally thought he had trusted someone again, but no, it was just another reminder of how broken he was.

The life old question of how he couldn't figure out if he was straight or not. How every time he saw a woman with her soft curves, looking casual, and sweet made him feel warm all over, but also how whenever he saw a nice looking guy jogging through the park his eyes would follow him. The tight lines of the muscles that worked and moved, showing the strength of an athlete, or just a guy who kept in shape always made his knees go weak.

It had always been a struggle growing up, and especially when he came over to America for the first time. He found out right away that American men were beyond handsome. Their soothing voices had always eased the tension in his body when he had been learning English. Then watching them in the locker room as they changed, he saw their strength, he saw the pride they had in the sport, and just how much they all wanted to make it big.

He had to excuse himself several times just so he could bring relief to his system before going to get ready. He had been young, horny, and eager to make a new start for himself. Luckily he had found several guys willing and just as eager as he was, unfortunately they just wanted the sexual gratification, and not the aftermath.

He was and always would be a soft-hearted individual. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and at first the many times he had started a sexual relationship with one of the guys it was gratifying, and beyond incredible. Much better than anything he's done back home, but in the end he would always manage to hurt himself in the process.

He was much safer after that, being careful with who he went out with, and who he spent his nights with. It only got worse the older he got. Soon he was almost distant every time anyone even mentioned the chance to going out to hook up with anyone. It hurt too much, and it was made worse by, her. He couldn't even think about her name without feeling that dull aching pain tight in his chest all over again.

The same had happened with another guy who had done the same thing. Overall every relationship he usually started always end in heartache and him hurting all over again. That gaping ache, the yawning dark hole in his chest opened wider and wider after every time he was with someone that made him feel useless.

They would bring him up and them drop him, leaving him to pick up the pieces until he was able to put together something that vaguely resembled a fully beating heart.

This all changed when he met Juuse in Finland. He swore it was love at first sight. He was so taken by the young net minder that it was hard to breathe sometimes whenever he watched him get undressed. It was worse when he watched him in net. He reminded him of a younger version of himself when he had been his age, the strength, the power he showed ever time he moved on the ice was a combination of graceful and deadly. His crystal blue eyes had captivated him, and never let him go.

Unfortunately, the age had been a huge factor to him at even trying to pursue the young teen. So, he stayed away, and he didn't let himself hope that he might see him again, because he wasn't sure if he ever would.

But then he was called down to Nashville.

His heart had nearly burst as his eyes laid themselves on the young teen, who had now became a young man.

He still looked young, but he figured he'd always have a young face, but he also saw how much he had grown. The once soft muscles had harden becoming lean and strong. He filled out his shirts more than he had back in Finland, his legs, good god his legs. He saw the strength in his thighs, and legs, the muscles tight and hard made perfect for making those long stretch saves. He only grew a few inches, but was still small in stature.

Pekka wasn't so sure about what would happen over the course of his time in Nashville, but then he watched him win a shutout during his first NHL showings for the team. He remembered wanting to cry. He remembered wanting so badly to tell him everything that had been building up inside of him, to tell him just how proud he was of him, how incredible he was, and how much he wanted him off the ice.

He hadn't realized just how close they had started to become before one of the guys in the room had mentioned him being Juuse's daddy. He had nearly choked on his water. Juuse had stayed silent, and when he had turned to check on him he found him blushing head to toe. It wasn't a mystery that everyone knew how much Juuse idolized him, he knew for sure, more than anyone, but it got worse as the season went on.

Around Christmas last season he had let something slip. He hadn't meant too, but as of late they were flirting around each other, he knew they were. They never got close to admitting anything but they were. Then December he, Miikka, and Juuse were featured in one of the episodes that the staff was putting together. Beneath the Ice was a behind the scenes on and off the ice show that would feature moments no one has ever seen of the team before. He let something slip while he and Juuse had been shamelessly flirting while making dinner.

"Daddy."

He didn't even remember the whole conversation, but he knew as soon as the word had escaped his lips, he felt like the whole world was going to implode all around him. That is, until Juuse spoke as well.

"Yeah. He's my daddy and I'll try to help him as much as I can." He was blushing head to toe, and kept making small glances over at him making him blush as well.

Miikka, poor Miikka, he was just trying to peel potatoes.

He had tried to revert the conversation, talking about the state of his messy room, and Juuse would argue back saying he always cleaned it. He believed that it had lightened the situation, but diverting it was another problem altogether. He felt like he had opened up a can of worms, so to speak, and from then on out he and Juuse were nearly inseparable. That is...until the Stanley Cup Finals happened.

Everything had hurt, and not just the sting of missing a chance for something more, no, it was the hurt that he felt every time someone pushed him away. Made him feel small, and useless. He felt empty, and numb. He didn't ask for anything, didn't want anything, and he went home to hurt more. For once in his life he had felt like he could be useful, like he could actually do something worth wild for the fans, the franchise, and prove to everyone that he was a great goalie. It was made wrong when the timer hit zero.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't watch the Penguins lift the cup once again for the second year in a row.

He had been the first off the ice.

He had been the first to finish with the post-game interviews, stone-faced, and solemn.

No one had spoken a word to him as he had left. He was in a blur of grim sorrow as Juuse let himself inside of his home. Juuse didn't speak a word, and he had been grateful, that is until Juuse had went to make some tea for them.

He broke.

He started screaming at Juuse, angry, hateful words that had made him want to run away with regret. Juuse, ever strong, and ever patient had listened. He was shocked at first, especially when Pekka had thrown the mug against the wall while screaming, but then he had broke down. Sobs had wracked through his body, broken, and feeble.

He hadn't realized that Juuse had come over to him, until he felt him being cradled against the warmth of his small body, and he completely let go. All the pain and hurt poured out as Juuse spoke soothing words to him. He heard small sobs escape Juuse as well, and he felt his eyes well up in guilt.

He had forgotten that Juuse had been through this as well. The feeling was probably just as bad for him being the backup, because he could almost guarantee that he had felt useless. He tried to help, and couldn't do much to help either. He remembered them holding each other close as they cried together, sitting on the floor of his home, a shattered mug nearby reminding him of the pain that wracked throughout his body.

Afterwards he was left empty and needing to get away. Juuse had understood, but he had made clear that they needed space. He accepted that. Somehow he knew they had come even closer after that moment, with a soft stroke over his cheek to wipe away a stray tear Juuse left to pack, and go back home.

Pekka did the same.

After a summer away, training at home, and a small moment when he and Juuse had saw each other across the ice, he knew that he could wait.

And wait he did.

He waited, then he was back, feeling more healed, and even more determined to prove his usefulness to this franchise and to his team. He also saw Juuse, more alive, and the readiness in his eyes showed the very same spark that he felt as well. Not just that, but also something else, something alive, and waiting to be released.

That all came to a head two months back, and he knew he would never ever look back.

"Hey? Are you okay? I think I lost you for a little while."

He was shaken from his walk down memory lane as he realized he was scrambling eggs in a pan for breakfast, and looked down to see Juuse looking up at him with concern in his eyes, hugging his side as he did.

He shook the last dusting's of his past away as he switched the spatula to his other hand, as he moved the other over Juuse's back. "I'm okay. Just took a walk down memory lane. It was a trip."

"Not too bad I hope."

Pekka smiled down at crystal blue eyes that looked up at him with such adoration that it nearly hurt to look into. "Not too bad. Just happy to find that with waiting and patience can come true happiness. I know..I know that sounds..weak but I just..I'm just so happy, and I haven't felt this happy in so long, and you make me feel happy..I'm just..sorry." He hated feeling like this. Like he was incompetent and childish, but he was shocked when he heard Juuse laugh softly, before pulling him away from the stove.

He turned the stove off, before moving his hands up to cup his face. He felt his small hands cover his cheeks, his thumb stroking his skin, but felt the power underneath his fingertips.

"Don't. Don't ever feel sorry. I don't know your whole story, but I know someone or people had hurt you before. But I'm here to tell you that as long as we're together you should never ever feel ashamed for feeling happy. I love how happy you are, because you make me feel happy too. So much that it hurts. We were patient, and we found each other because of it, and I'm so happy we found each other. If you're weak for being happy, then I'm weak too, because I haven't felt this happy in so long. You're so perfect, don't ever forget that."

Pekka's heart burst with pure unadulterated happiness at the young goaltenders words. He couldn't help it, but he felt his eyes stinging with unwanted tears that wouldn't stay at bay. Juuse just pulled him down, capturing his lips with his own, before guiding him down until he was engulfing him into his arms.

The young man rubbed his hands over his back, speaking words of sweet nothings to him until he felt calm once again. He felt his small capable hand move back up to wipe his tears away as he smiled so full of warmth that it could compete with the sun.

"You're everything to me Pekka, I hope you know that."

Pekka nodded, trying to get his words back after calming his beating heart. "I do. It'll..it'll just take time before I..I feel whole again. I..I hope you'll help me."

"Always, Pekka, always." Juuse kissed him again, and he felt ready enough to go back to finishing their breakfast.

The rest of the morning was spent with lazy kisses, gentle touches, and smiles that lingered even when the other left the room. Pekka did eventually call his father to set up a time for them to go out together, and had even invited Juuse to come along as well.

Juuse had tried to play it off, but he was basically introducing his boyfriend to his father, and that was something he could understand why Juuse was nervous. Lunch went better than he had excepted. His father of course knew right away what was going on, but told them both how happy he was for them, and to just be careful.

He chirped Juuse to no end, and embarrassed him by revealing stories of his childhood to Juuse who was laughing so hard that he was crying. They had then went to their Thanksgiving dinner, dressed nicely in their pressed suits, and Pekka allowed himself to look, in small glances of course, but still look he did.

Overall the day was absolutely perfect, and he felt more than ready for the next game coming up for the team.

Soon after they were climbing into a plane, and flying out to St. Louis for their next away game. This was a big game too. He wanted desperately to win, not just to watch his father's eyes light up with pride in his son, but also to impress Juuse.

He wanted to showoff, surprisingly, for his young backup, which he's never really done before. This time though he wanted to feel the heated stare that he was sure to see glazing over Juuse's eyes directed towards his way when he helped the team win. He wanted the gratification of seeing his young boyfriend nearly shaken with adrenaline, and need as much as he will be once they win.

He was doing his normal pre-game stretches when he looked over to see Juuse doing the same. He watched as Juuse met his gaze, smiling wide at him as he stretched. He smiled back, before having to look away as Juuse stared straight at him as he went to do the splits. Legs stretched out on both sides, a smirk on his face, and Pekka felt his focus waver for two seconds before his mind snapped back to the game again.

Always so damn distracting.

An anthem and a puck drop later and both teams were off. The St. Louis Blues kept up an incredible game, always keeping him on his toes as he saved, and tracked every puck. The Blues were the number one team in the Central Division, but tonight he wanted to put an end to that.

He made every save, tracked the puck with laser sharp eyes as the game continued. Thankfully the guys in front of him got a couple of goals otherwise this game would have gone south pretty quickly, but just as the clock hit zero, and the crowd groaned in frustration he looked to see the guys spilling onto the ice. They all came in numbers, skating over to him to give head bumps, and hugs, all smiling with the impossible elation of a great win.

He fucking did it! Not only did he win, but he got a fucking shutout. Not just any shutout either, no, he got his 46th shutout making him the leading goalie for the most shutouts made by a Finnish-born goaltender. He was fucking vibrating. The excitement all but coursed in waves throughout his body.

It only got worse when he saw Juuse skate over to him. He gave him a full body hug, the overwhelming pride that shown through the younger backups eyes made his chest get tight with want. His body ached with the need to have him, to show him just how happy and excited he was, but all that had to wait with the post-game interviews and media scrum.

Despite the annoyance of having to endure the media scrum and interviews, his excitement for the shutout helped him to make everything go by more quickly. Being able to see the pride in his fathers eyes as he gave him the shutout puck made the wait worth it. He saw Juuse smiling fondly from afar, and he knew that they could wait until they could finally be alone together.

The excitement carried over into a late-night dinner which probably wasn’t the smartest of ideas, because Juuse, even though he drank as much as any European, he was a light weight. Pekka was having to take away glasses of wine away from him when he nearly spilled it all over the table trying to take a drink.

“I can..no..I~I want that please no.” He whined while leaning against his shoulder.

He chuckled softly and in the dim-lighted restaurant he placed a soft kiss to the top of his head. None of the guys were even looking their way, but they chirped about Juuse’s daddy having to take care of him.

“My daddy.” Juuse whispered, a pout on his sweet face making Pekka bite his lip at how adorable he was being. He decided it was time to go.

“I think if I don’t get him back now then he’ll be out for tomorrows game.” All the guys laughed but they agreed, needing to get back to pack before leaving again.

It became a hassle to get the young backup to the bus waiting for them, because he was hanging all over him, not wanting to let go of him at all during the walk to the bus. “Juus, Juus come on. You’re not making this easy for me.” Pekka said finally getting him in his seat, but still struggling with him not moving.

“I want to sit in your lap daddy~pretty please!” Juuse whined and he blushed head to toe. He was more than grateful that when the young goalie got drunk he spoke only in Finnish.

“Not right now baby. Just relax okay. Drink your water and rest.” He spoke softly back, hoping to calm him down, but also hoping none of the guys were listening. He finally settled down but not without a pout on his lips. He wanted to kiss him so desperately, but he knew this was not the time nor the place to do that.

They were able to get back in semi-one piece and then they were flying again off towards their next destination. Juuse slept the whole way, laying his head against Pekka’s shoulder, while he held his hand underneath the safety of one of their soft fuzzy blankets. The trip was easy going, and soon they were all settling into their rooms, Juuse asking Miikka softly to be roomed with Pekka, still only half-awake from sleep.

“Fine. Guess I’ll room with Jarny again.”

“What’s so wrong with rooming with me?! You’re so picky. I even give you massages!”

“Not enough.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Okay I’ll take it that Juuse is rooming with me. Come on, you need a shower, you stink.” Pekka said, interrupting the strange argument that had erupted from the two younger men.

Juuse mumbled something between a chirp and a thanks at the same time, before Pekka was quickly ushering them away from the still bickering duo outside by the elevator. He got them into the room, then started to get Juuse settled down so they could get ready for bed.

“Not tired.”

Pekka chuckled at the soft mumble and how soft and sweet Juuse looked when he was sleepy. “Yes you are baby. Now let’s get ready for bed. I’m old and I need some sleep too.”

“Mm not old.” He mumbled again, leaning against his chest, while sitting on the bed.

Pekka’s heart swelled at the sight and how soft the young backup was underneath his touch. “Thank you baby, now get dressed okay?”

“Mm okay daddy.” He rubbed his eyes and went to slowly peel himself away, starting to throw clothes out before he found something to sleep in.

Pekka shook his head, smiling fondly at him, and thinking how different he was from when he was tired, to when they had sex. He bit his lip not wanting to think about that, but it was difficult with how pent up his body still was after the game. He wanted to completely ravish Juuse’s body until they were boneless and limp, but he wasn’t like that anymore. He cared deeply for Juuse, and even though he felt hard and needy with want for the younger man, he would just take care of it in the shower and go to sleep. They would have more time to play later on. Juuse was tired and that was more important than his own need for sex.

He was striping his suit off when he felt a small warmth encase itself over his back, making him smile as he took off his tie. “What’s wrong baby? Did you need something?” He turned in Juuse’s arms and froze at what he saw.

Juuse was wearing a vintage yellow Nashville Predators sweater, and with further excepting he found that he was wearing his numbers and his name across his shoulders. The sweater was big, fluffy, and made him look small and soft that he nearly choked on his own saliva at the sight. “Juus?”

“Daddy, I know you‘re just taking care of me, but I feel much better now. I want to take care of you now daddy. What can your baby give you after your amazing win tonight? I know just how much you want me, and I want you too, so badly daddy, please.”

Pekka was so in shock that he didn’t realize what his young backup was doing until he was moving his hand underneath the large sweater. A sharp gasp escaped both of them as Pekka felt the hard length of Juuse’s dick against the palm of his hand. Juuse was wearing his name and his number on a big sweater, and wearing nothing else underneath. Dear god he wouldn’t survive.

He wanted to say no. He wanted to be responsible and say that they had a game the next day, but...fuck it. “Daddy wants you so badly baby it hurts. Fuck you’re so hard for me already.”

He was tentative at first, but then encircled the younger mans dick in his hand, starting to give slow strokes over him, making him gasp, gripping onto his arms as his knees shook underneath him. “Oh daddy. Daddy that feels so good.” He widened his stance so Pekka could touch him more, and touch him he did.

He wanted this. Wanted his backup after the win, and he knew how he wanted to do this tonight. “Baby, I know what you can give me, but you have to know I haven’t done anything like this in awhile so I might need to go slow until I'm ready.”

Even through the dark gaze he saw when Juuse’s stare grew serious. “What? What do you want to do? Anything at all. I’ll do it.” He smiled again. His heart swelling with adoration and fondness for the eager excitement, but also seriousness in Juuse’s voice. God he loved him so much. Words he couldn’t speak aloud yet, but so desperately wanted too.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Juuse stilled almost instantly in his arms and he stopped touching him, afraid that he may have crossed a line. He suddenly felt afraid that he said something wrong, and felt guilty for ever making Juuse feel uncomfortable. “I..I mean. If..if you don’t want too. Then it’s fine. I’m..I’m so so sorry for..I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable..I’m sorry.” He started to move away, but he was pulled back as Juuse all but attacked his mouth.

He was on his toes, reaching up as best as he could to lick his way into his mouth, and Pekka melted. He shook with pent up arousal, but also with the uncertainty of the situation. When they finally pulled apart he saw where Juuse was looking at him like he was a prize that he had just won.

“Pekka, no..no ones ever let me..I mean. I have, but not very often. Because I’m..I’m small, most like to..dominate me. I don’t really get a chance to be the one giving instead of just receiving. I mean I’m not saying I don’t like being fucked, but I mean, I just haven’t fucked anyone in awhile. My, others usually don’t want someone small to fuck them that’s all.” He was blushing, feeling ashamed most likely for his confession, but Pekka felt so warm all over he thought he would burst.

He pulled the younger man into his arms, hugging him close as he kissed over whatever piece of skin he could get too. “Those...those people are..are fucking stupid. You’re more than perfect baby, and I would...I would be more than honored to have you fuck me. God I want you to fuck me so badly.” He was shaking with how badly he wanted that. He didn’t care about size, he just wanted to feel the blunt girth of something filling him up. He wanted to be taken and cared for, and he trusted Juuse enough to make him feel that way.

“Are you sure?”

He pulled back going to cup the younger backups face in between his hands. “Yes. God yes! I want you Juus. I want you to take care of me please. I don’t..I don’t want..”  _‘to be in control’_  was left unsaid but he was pretty sure Juuse understood.

The uncertainty that was in the younger mans eyes was then replaced with determination and dark with a need matching his own. “I’m going to take really good care of you daddy. How about we slow down and take a bath first then. Get you nice and relax before bed, yeah? How does that sound?”

Pekka wanted to argue that he didn’t need a bath. That he didn’t need to relax, but felt the tremors in his hands, the slight ache in his knees, and he nodded in agreement. “Good. Come on daddy. Let me help you get undressed.”

He took deep breaths, and let Juuse take care of him. He hadn’t felt so open and vulnerable in so long that he felt tears prick the corner of his eyes. He wiped them away quickly as Juuse finally had him down to his underwear, and then was ushering him towards the bathroom. The bath itself wasn’t huge but Juuse argued that they would fit together.

He stood nearby as he watched the younger man work with perfect ease and efficiency as he got the bath ready. He saw how much Juuse wanted to take care of him and it left him feeling bubbly and warm all over. When the bath was done he smelled earthy aromas of a bath bomb that Juuse loved so much, and saw him put some bath salts in to help with the aches and pains from the game. “Come on Daddy, the baths ready now.”

He gestured for him to get in, and after removing his underwear he did just that. He hissed as the hot water settled onto his skin, sinking deep into his bones until was limp in the soothing water. He looked over to see Juuse striping off the sweater, and he bit his lip as he got a eye full of his hard cock. “Like what you see daddy?”

Pekka nodded. “Yes, very much baby. Now come here so I can hold you.”

Juuse laughed while stepping into the bath as well, and after a moment of maneuvering around the younger backup was sat in between his legs, while his arms held him close against his body. The swirling warmth of the aromas and salts made Pekka sigh in relief as it all sank deep into his core.

Juuse leaned back against him, moving to kiss the side of his neck before moving to grab a rag, wetting it in the water, then went to left one of Pekka’s arms up for him to see. “I’m taking care of you remember. That means no work for you. You deserve some pampering before we start having some fun.”

Pekka blushed, shifting slightly so he could nuzzle into the side of Juuse’s neck. “I’m still excited for this. Still want this.”

“I know you do daddy. Just relax, and let me get you nice and clean.” Pekka nodded against him before leaning back, and letting his younger backup wash him clean. It was as if his very soul was being cleansed by how gentle Juuse was being with him. He had closed his eyes, not really knowing how long he was out until he felt a soft pair of lips kiss his cheek.

“Hey there Daddy, it’s time to get out.” He blinked awake and saw Juuse had already gotten out, wearing his sweater once again. He reached in to drain the water before turning to get one of his towels for him. A soft groan escaped his lips as he got up, stretching out his body as he did. He saw Juuse looking him over from head to toe, a smile on his lips, before his gaze went up to meet his own.

He felt a blush heat up his skin making Juuse giggle softly, so sweet, and cute that Pekka blushed even harder at the sound. His head dipped down so Juuse could reach up to dry him off. “I remembered how irritated your skin got with the hotel towels, so I made sure to bring your big soft ones so that didn’t happen again.”

Once Pekka was dried off he shuffled over so he could pull the younger mans body against him, hugging him close, knowing he just had a towel slung low on his hips, he still wanted Juuse close so he could hug him. He buried his face into the crook of his neck, sighing, full of contentment as Juuse rubbed his hands over his back. “Thank you baby. You always take such good care of me.”

Juuse let loose a soft giggle again, but it was all in good nature as he held this taller man closer to him. “You always take care of me, so I want to do the same for you this time. Okay?” Pekka nodded, because what else was he suppose to say. He felt so full and warm that words were hard to come by as his young backup started to tug him back until they were back in the bedroom. The soft light of the city illuminating the room through the blinds as they stood by the bed together.

The nerves that were gone before, slowly came back as Juuse backed up towards the edge of the bed. “Hey, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want too. We can wait. I want what’s going to make you happy, and if that’s just cuddling before we go to sleep, then that’s perfectly fine with me. Whatever will make you happy will make me happy.”

Pekka was instantly shaking his head. “No it’s not that. I..I still..I still want this. I just..like I said..it’s been awhile. I trust you. I just..if I can’t..if I can’t handle this. I don’t want to disappoint you. I just don’t want you to be upset with me.” All those feelings of being small and useless started crawling up his throat, but he swallowed them back down knowing Juuse had once said he wanted to hear what he was feeling. He told him seriously before they had started this together that if he felt something that it was better to say it aloud then keeping it to himself. It was a slow process, but he started feeling better to say what he felt with each passing day.

The young backup cradled his cheek with his hand, small, but sure and capable, all the while Pekka leaned into it like a cat nuzzling into the warmth. “Don’t ever think I’ll ever be disappointed. You have no idea how happy I am just being able to do this right now. Getting to touch you, and take care of you like I’ve wanted to do for years, this is a dream come true for me. I care more about you then having to satisfy my needs. If you’re not comfortable, or you don’t feel like it’s going right just say the word. Well stop and do something else. No one ever said we have to have full blown sex. Whatever you want, I’m just happy to say I can be with you.”

Pekka felt a tremor shake his body as he went to engulf his young backup into a hug. He just felt so happy and full that he knew that tonight he could do this for them. He wanted to feel him, wanted to be taken like he didn’t get to do very much at all. He wanted that, and with that final thought he pulled back just enough to cup Juuse’s cheek and lean down to capture his soft lips with his own. The softness of the kiss felt more like an embrace instead of a intense attack. He drank in the warmth that Juuse’s body gave off, and Juuse in turn groaned in satisfaction as Pekka moved his hands over his body.

“What do you want?” Juuse finally said once he pulled back from the kiss, breathless, but eager for more.

“You. Let me just..” he trailed off so he could drop the towel from his hips, and then lay it out onto the bed. “So we don’t mess up the bed.” He was blushing from head to toe, but it was hard to feel embarrassed when was stark naked, and talking about the possible mess that they would make on the sheets.

“That’s a very good idea. Now, how about you get on the bed, and relax in the position that you want to be in.” He felt his young back up trail a hand over his back, making a shiver run up his spine at the light touch that took his breath away.

“Okay baby.”

He got onto the bed, moving to lay back, before changing his mind, and moving to lay on his stomach. “Are you sure Daddy?” The question was there full of concern, but as he looked over he saw the dark desire in his backups eyes, and the way they trailed over the length of his body.

“Yes baby I’m sure. Please.” It was barely a whisper, but he was sure that his backup heard it. Juuse leaned down to give him a deep kiss before moving to get what he needed. He let himself breath, relaxing into the bed as he listened to Juuse move and rummage around the room, until he felt the bed dip as he crawled up the bed.

“Okay daddy. Like I said before were going to take this slow, so first we’re going to use one of these pillows because I doubt we’re going to need six.” Pekka chuckled but helped to lift his hips as Juuse placed a pillow underneath him. A soft kiss was placed at his hips before he felt his hands come up to run down over his skin. He arched into the touch, letting his eyes fall close as his hands rubbed over his back.

He felt sure capable hands start to press and massage themselves over his muscles making a soft whine escape his lips as he soothed out different knots he found. He practically became putty underneath Juuse’s hands, sighs, and soft groans escaping him as Juuse gave him a massage that he didn’t know he deserved. “Do you feel good Daddy?” He nodded as he felt the younger man straddle his hips, so he could reach his shoulders to really massage out those aches he was feeling up there.

Pekka hummed in approval, not just by the soothing massage that he as getting, but he also felt the hard length of Juuse dick rub every so often against his ass. Without meaning too he would rub his ass up to meet Juuse’s movements, making the younger man hiss, and then groan as he did. “Oh daddy you’re being naughty now. Are you ready for me to play with you some more?”

He nodded again, because he knew his vocal cords wouldn’t work, and he was absolute mush underneath his hands. He heard him laugh softly, before his lips kissed him along his spine. He felt him move down from straddling him until he felt him kiss the swell of his ass, making him bite his lip at the warmth that pooled at the pit of his stomach.

The young backup started to knead his ass in his hands making his hips twitch at the touch, before he felt a thumb start to tease along the crease of his ass. His breathing had increased while his hands fisted the covers underneath him as he felt the first touch of his young backups thumb rub over his puckered hole. A shaky breath escaped him, nothing bad, just overwhelming, and different after so long of not doing this.

“Sh sh daddy I got you, just relax okay. We’re going to take this slow, but like I said, if you don’t feel comfortable just say stop and we will. Okay?”

He nodded, but Juuse stopped before his words could finally come to him. “Yes baby I understand.”

“That’s so good Daddy. You’re doing so good for me. God daddy you look so beautiful right now, I wish you could see just how much I love seeing you like this.” His words made his breath hitch, and grip the covers more before the touch disappeared. He whined at the loss before he heard a click of a cap, and then before he knew it the touch was back, but his finger this time and not his thumb.

“Just relax for me okay daddy. Just relax.” He felt the younger mans hand on his hip, creating soothing circles over his skin which would have put him into a lull if he didn’t feel the pressure at his hole. He tried to relax his body, taking deep breaths as he did, and when he finally did he felt the young backup push his finger into him, the feeling nearly overwhelming, but not enough to push him over. Every now and then if he felt like it, he would finger himself just for something different to do, but he hasn’t done it in awhile, and certainly not with another partner.

A groan escaped his lips as Juuse pushed his finger all the way inside of him, then started to slowly pump in and out of him, getting him ready slowly, just so he could let his body adjust to this. When he thought he could take more he asked for it, and Juuse eased him into it, slowly, having to stop for a moment so he could catch his breath before he nodded for him to move his fingers again.

His breath was coming in shutters as he started to scissor his fingers inside of him, opening him up more to get him ready for Juuse’s dick. He had remembered when Juuse had looked so self-conscious about that part of himself, but Pekka said otherwise. For his size and his youth he was surprised to find that he had actually had a good sized dick. Not that he really cared about size no, he wasn’t vain, he liked the pleasure of another’s body against him that’s it, but to find that Juuse had a very nice sized dick was a major plus that had made him laugh aloud when he had told him that.

_‘You think my dick is nice?’_

_Pekka had blushed from head to toe, feeling stupid for the comment after they had gotten off together again. ‘Yes, I just..I don’t look..but I knew you were average in size, I just..it’s nice. I like holding you is all. I was just surprised.’_

_Juuse smiled so sweetly at him, and the pride in his eyes made it better in the end. ‘I really appreciate that Pekka. It’s nice to know that my dick is good enough for you, but I’ll tell you, your dick is something to be worshiped. It’s perfect I swear. I get so hot thinking about it.’_

His memory got a little fuzzy after that because all he remembered was Juuse giving him, as he deemed, bedroom eyes, and had crawled in between his legs to give him an epic blowjob to make sure he knew that he loved his dick. So he figured it was a win-win both ways, his brain short-circuited, his thoughts erased as a third finger was pushed into his body, and he crooked his fingers up inside of him.

His body lit up instantly, jerking at the sensation of his fingers brushing against his prostate. “Oh fuck fuck baby oh fuck stop..”

Juuse instantly stilled his hand ready to pull out when Pekka threw a hand back, grabbing his wrist to stop him from pulling out. “No..no..just..don’t pull out..just..give me a moment. I..I don’t want to cum too soon.” His breath shuttered from him, but Juuse stayed, moving his other hand to rub over his skin as he settled back down.

“Do you need me to hold your cock to keep you from cumming?” He shook his head quickly at that.

“N..no. If you touch me then it defiently will be over.”

He heard Juuse huff a laugh, and a kiss was placed in between his shoulders before pulling back. “I understand daddy. Just take your time, I’m right here when you’re ready.” Pekka nodded, taking deep breaths, letting go of Juuse’s wrist. Juuse stayed perfectly still, even with his fingers still deep inside of him. Once he felt under control again he started to move his hips back against Juuse’s fingers, urging him to move again.

“Okay baby I’m ready.” He couldn’t see him, but he was sure he could feel a smile radiated at him as he started to move his fingers once again. He was slow at first, but then as Pekka moved his hips back against him he moved his fingers faster until he was panting for more. He was going to lose his mind as his young backup worked him up to four fingers. He was ready he was sure, and he was more sure that he would die if he didn’t get his young backups dick up inside of him now.

“Bab..baby please! Please I’m ready! Please fuck me now!” He whined, more than ready to be taken and filled.

“Sh I got you daddy. Relax I got you. Are you sure you’re ready for my dick? Do you want me to fuck your tight hole now?” His soothing voice combined with the naughty, filthy words spurred him on to nod quickly, a whine escaping his throat.

“Yes! Yes please baby give me your cock baby please! Fill me up!” He usually wasn’t one for filthy language in the bedroom, but his young boyfriend did that to him. Made him feel open and needy for him. It was a feeling he loved and drank in like a man dying of thirst.

He heard a groan from behind him and he knew he hit the spot right on. “Oh fuck daddy don’t worry your baby is going to fill you up nice and full with my cock.”

Pekka bit his lip, ready beyond belief, his nervousness practically gone as his need to be fucked by his backup became almost unbearable. He whined as Juuse’s fingers slipped out of him, but with soothing words he was calm again as he heard the familiar sounds of his young backup jerking himself off, getting himself ready for him. “Oh daddy you have no idea how close I was. Just watching you like this now gets me so hot. I had to hold my cock the whole time while I got you ready. I didn’t think I was going to make it.” He groaned and Pekka moaned with him, completely taken by his words of pleasure just by watching him as he had opened him up.

“Come on baby. Take me please.” As soon as he whined again he felt Juuse move to straddle his legs, moving up his body to get into a better position. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the blunt head of his backups cock against his hole, all the while he continued to rub his hand over his hip, speaking soothing encouraging words just for him.

“Relax daddy, just relax. If you need to stop just let me know. Now, take a deep breath and then exhale.” Pekka did as instructed, and just as he exhaled he felt his backup push the head of his dick inside of him for the first time. It was defiantly different from fingers, and it had defiantly been awhile since he was penetrated like this. The burn was there but not terrible as his backup had done a wonderful job at getting him ready. He did have to stop Juuse several times as he slowly took more and more of his cock inside of him, but Juuse as always, was patient and slow, never going too fast, and only giving him what he could take.

Finally, Finally he felt the soft course hair at the base of Juuse cock, and he knew he had taken all of him inside of his body. He shook all over from the sensations that were coursing right through him. He felt full but not overwhelmingly so. It was the perfect stretch, still feeling filled, but not in a way that made him want to stop like so many times in his past. The first time he ever got taken it had nearly overwhelmed him, and he had sobbed silently to himself afterwards. It hadn’t been extremely painful, but it was more than what he could handle. The aftermath was awful and not something he’d want to experience ever again.

This time was completely different.

Juuse was perfect, his size, his body, everything felt amazing, and his breath caught at how wonderful it was to feel him deep inside of his body for the first time. He’s wanted this and it overwhelmed his emotions with the soft warmth he felt for his backup. Juuse must have sensed his overwhelmed state, because he leaned over his body, and gave him soft kisses right against his skin, his hands moving over him as he did. “You feel so amazing Pekka. Thank you for letting me do this with you. I feel the same way.”

He felt something wet against his skin, and somehow he knew he was crying. He felt hot tears streaking his cheeks as well as he stretched himself back, twisting an arm around so he could pull Juuse in for a kiss. He tasted the salty tears that stained his lips, and he smiled knowing they were connecting together in a way that they’ve never done before. “You’re so good to me Juus, thank you.” Juuse smiled against his lips, kissing him softly before moving away.

“Always. Are you ready?” Pekka moved back in position, getting comfortable again, and as he shifted he felt Juuse’s dick shift inside of him. The shift made lights flash behind his eyes, his breath caught in his throat at the sensations that flared up inside of him.

“Yes. More than ready for you.” He felt another kiss placed in between his shoulders, before Juuse leaned back up off from his body, but placed his hands over his hips, while planting his knees on either side of his body. He started to slowly shift his hips back, the drag of his cock moving out from his body making him whine before Juuse was pushing back into him.

The slow drag and push of his length inside of his body made him come alive. A haywire of his emotions were curing and twisting like a never ending roller coaster as his mind told him that he was being fucked by his young backup, but another part said you love him, and that made him push back more into movements that were being made. “You..you can go harder..I..I can take it please.”

Juuse didn’t reply, but he was sure he got the message as he really planted himself on the bed, and started to fuck harder into him. Pekka bit his lip as his head hit the pillow underneath him. The sensation of his young backup taking him higher and higher caused him to whine and buck underneath him, but he felt the strength that his young backup had within his body. He held him in place as he fucked him, at first fucking him hard, before slowing down to a point where he was whining for more.

“Baby ple..please don’t tease daddy please.” He whined as he heard Juuse huff a laugh before a groan escaped him.

“I want this to be good for you too, because trust me, I won’t last long.” He moaned hearing his words. He felt close himself, but wasn’t sure how to communicate that without whining too much. It didn’t seem to work because soon Juuse was shifting his hips and...there! He hit that sensitive spot right inside of him and he saw stars.

“Ba..baby! Baby again! Right there please!” He begged for something to happen but wasn’t sure what he needed. His worrying thoughts halted completely as he felt Juuse lean over him, sliding one of his hands underneath his body to grasp onto his cock. His breath was knocked right out from his lungs as he felt his small yet strong, capable hand grip him before starting to stroke him in time with the rhythm of his hips as he continued to fuck him.

Somehow he knew that they weren’t going to last very long as their movements became more erratic, and harsher as they both got closer to coming together. He wasn’t sure if he could hold back any longer, but he wouldn’t have to worry about waiting as Juuse leaned up to kiss the back of his neck.

“Cum for me daddy, I’m right behind you.” The soft whisper and the calming voice from his young backup had his body seizing up, and white spots covered his eyes.

As he was going through his very intense orgasm he felt Juuse get harder, but felt like he was trying to hold back. He moved his arm back, with what strength he had left, and stroked his thigh. “Fill me up baby. I want you too, please.”

His words seemed to be all that he needed, because as soon as he let go, Juuse held his hip right in his hand, his forehead pressed in between his shoulder blades before he finally whined and thrust hard deep inside of him. “Daddy.” It was the only word he spoke before he felt warmth fill him up. He sighed, a shiver running right through him at the sensation, before he finally felt Juuse collapse on top of him.

Pekka closed his eyes enjoying the moment of bliss that came after the connection that they just had together. He felt so warm and content, he could honestly stay like how he was all night if he hadn’t started to ache with Juuse’s weight on top of him. He wasn’t heavy but he was old, and his bones started to protest the weight for too long. Juuse seemed to understand as he hummed a sigh as he finally moved, they both groaned together as he slipped out from his body.

“Oh daddy, you’re so beautiful like this.” He finally looked over his shoulder and saw Juuse staring all over him, especially to where he was just inside of making him, blushing head to toe while his gaze stayed on him.

“Okay, Okay Thank you, but I would like to clean up now, please.” He mumbled into the pillow, embarrassed, but also tired all at the same time.

He heard Juuse giggled softly before he felt a kiss being placed to his skin. He let himself drift as Juuse pattered to the bathroom, listening in a hazy state as the water ran for a moment, and then the tap was turned off again. The bed dipped once again with the addition of his young back up climbing back up. A sharp shiver ran up his spine as he felt a wet cloth over his lower body, and hos cheeks grew warm with a blush as he felt him clean up the mess, before gesturing him to roll over.

He did reluctantly, but did as he was asked, making Juuse laugh as he flopped onto his back. Juuse moved the towel away, making sure to put it in their dirty laundry bag, and then going to clean off his front. He sighed feeling soft and warm all over as Juuse got him clean. Once he was done he made a quick trip to the bathroom, during that time he went to bury himself underneath the covers on the bed.

When he peeked an eye open he saw Juuse looking down at him with something that he wanted to put words too, but felt like it was still too early to say aloud just yet. He knew those feelings were still there, but he could wait until the moment was right to say them, for now he reached out a hand to him. Juuse smiled back at him, taking his hand, and then crawling into the bed with him.

After a few moments of getting arranged Pekka had scooted down the bed so he could lay his head on Juuse’s chest. The soft sweater that he still wore made him stifle a laugh, but Juuse saw as he threaded his fingers through his hair. “What’s with the smirk?”

“Nothing, just, did you really wear this while fucking me?”

He saw Juuse pout slightly as he leaned more against him. “Maybe, I thought it would be hotter that way. How did you not notice before?”

Pekka smiled, his chest getting tight with those feeling all over again. “It was, and don’t worry. I really liked it. I really like you wearing my number. I was so..I was really into.. everything..I didn't really notice anything but you.” He mumbled into his chest, and he heard Juuse sigh so soft, cradling him even closer than before. His arms wrapped themselves around his body and their legs tangled as they held each close.

“Thank you Juus, thank you for doing this for me. I don’t deserve it.” He felt himself flush all over at his words. The confession nearly stifling as Juuse ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yes you do. You will always deserve happiness, and as long as I’m here with you, I’ll make sure you remember that. Okay?” Juuse kissed the top of his head making him smile, sighing again as he leaned his head against his chest. The soft beating of his heart a soothing rhythm that had his eyes drifting close.

“Okay baby. Thank you.”

“Always, Hey Pekka?”

“Hm?” Just as he looked up at him Juuse leaned down to kiss him softly. The words that he was sure Juuse wanted to say were never spoken, and he kissed him back just as much. When they finally broke apart Juuse gave him a soft parting kiss before settling back into the bed.

“Goodnight Pekka.”

Pekka smiled, he wasn’t sure what Juuse wanted to say but it was fine for now. He sucked up all of the warmth that he could, and finally let his eyes drift close. “Goodnight Juuse, Goodnight.”

 

 

 


	2. Juuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out._
> 
>  
> 
> _This wasn't how his first official NHL father's trip was suppose to go. It started out perfectly, then ended in an outcome that had him questioning everything he ever did. He wasn't worth it. The franchise didn't need a losing goalie, and Pekka didn't need to be with a child. Nothing was ever going to go his way._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ///////Or the day after Pekka's shutout win, Juuse get's his shootout loss. Or a story about love, and learning to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!
> 
> Here’s the highly anticipated **‘Father’s Trip -Juuse’s POV’** that everyone has been waiting for! If you haven't you should really read chapter one, because this will make a bit more since on what's going in this chapter.
> 
> I’ve worked hard to write as much as I can everyday so I could get this done for everyone to read. I work full-time so having a chance to write this was a struggle, but I love both of these boys so much, and after the big win for Pekka on Thursday I just knew I had to get this done. Plus, with our first NBC afternoon game being broadcast today as well, I thought it would be more than fitting to post this today!
> 
> This has been a labor of love and my baby (not just Pekka’s) and I’ve struggled to make this even better than the first chapter to this story. Please read the forewarning for this story before you delve in.
> 
>  
> 
> **(WARNING): This story contains suicidal actions and thoughts to one of the characters involved in this story. The situation is resolved, but if this is something that would make you uncomfortable, please do not read this. There is also smut, and explicit language as well.**
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you, enjoy!

**Juuse’s POV**

* * *

 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out.

This wasn't how his first official NHL father's trip was suppose to go. It started out perfectly, then ended in an outcome that had him questioning everything he ever did. He wasn't worth it. The franchise didn't need a losing goalie, and Pekka didn't need to be with a child. Nothing was ever going to go his way.

He sat in his stall staring down at the floor.

The heavy weight nearly crushing him at the loss that should have been a win. Fucking Carolina, a-fucking-gain! It was beyond frustrating. It felt like every time he tried to start any game the team always managed to fall apart right in front of him, leaving him to try and pick up the pieces.

The day hadn’t started this way at least. In fact, it started the way that the night should have ended like, but didn’t. A soft stream of light floated through the blinds, and into the room. It wasn’t overly bright, just soft, and enough to cause him to stir in the bed.

He was laying on his stomach when he finally opened his eyes, the first sight that he saw made his breath catch in the back of his throat. The sunlight came, and as it did came the shining rays that reflected off of Pekka hair. The sparkling gold of his strains making his fingers itch with the need to touch, just to see how soft it was. He did. He reached out and slowly threaded his fingers through his hair, making the older goaltender sigh at the soft touch he gave to him.

He watched as he turned his head into his touch until he was cupping his cheek, while his thumb stroked over his skin. “Good morning,” he couldn’t wait, moving forward to place a gentle kiss to his open mouth.

Pekka responded to him almost instantly, not fully awake yet, but slowly getting there. He felt his big hand slide up underneath his sweater, stroking along his back as they kissed lazily in the morning light. When he finally pulled back, placing a kiss to the tip of his nose, Pekka smiled, and then opened his eyes.

The dark gray blue always reminded him of home, of the ocean, and he craved to tell him how he felt. A deep seated emotion that was difficult to push away. It was still so early though, so he kept a tight lid on it, and swam in the feeling for as long as he could.

“Good morning baby.” Juuse licked his lips as he listened to the deep husk of his voice, still filled with sleep.

“Did you sleep okay last night daddy?” He wanted to come off as seductive but he was more worried than anything. He wasn’t big, but being that Pekka hadn’t had penetrative sex in some time he just wanted to be sure that he was still okay.

Pekka sighed as he watched him stretch out his limbs. “A bit sore, but nothing bad. It’s..it feels good.”

He saw a light blush grace his skin making him smile, and feel huge with pride knowing that he helped make Pekka feel this way. He wouldn’t say that he was like a lot of guys who were proud about their dicks, but it did make him feel huge when his boyfriend said he enjoyed getting fucked by him last night.

He heard a chuckle and watched as Pekka slid over until he could wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him over until was flush up against his body. He was warm and soft, and god he wished that they were home so they could have more time to snuggle in bed together. Unfortunately, fortunately they had a game today, and it was his day to start.

He sighed leaning in to kiss his neck before uncurling out of his arms, and going to stand up. He heard Pekka whine softly, breaking his heart in two. “I know. I want to just be lazy and snuggle, but the team is going to wonder where we are, especially since you’re usually the first one downstairs for breakfast.”

Pekka groaned throwing the covers over his head, making Juuse bite his lip. He had the strongest urge to grab his phone and snap a few photos of Pekka like this, but refrained from it knowing it would only irritate him more. “Come on, seriously. We have a game today. I promise we’ll cuddle during our nap, but for now we need to get ready, okay?”

He watched as the older man slowly peek out from underneath the covers, and my god how could he be so cute seriously?! He heard him huff before throwing the covers back. “Fine. But you better have our blanket for our nap or this won’t work.”

He got up in a huff, stark naked, and strode his way into the bathroom. Juuse tried hard not to laugh, but it was difficult with how pouty Pekka was acting. “Well are you coming or not? I really don’t want to take a shower by myself.” Pekka said this while popping his head from inside of the bathroom, and Juuse hurried along, never ever wanting to miss a moment of showering with Pekka.

They were scrambling to get finished after spending more time giving Pekka a much needed blowjob then actually getting clean. It was more than worth it as Pekka nearly killed him with his mouth, but in the end they were still the first ones down for breakfast. They were sitting together in a nice little booth when Miikka and Calle plopped down across from them, looking frazzled and worn out.

“You guys okay?” Juuse had to ask, but he had a growing suspicion that something must be going on between them. He couldn’t be sure, but he choose for neutral instead of blunt approach.

“We’re fine. Just wish we could have been at home, and had more sleep.” Calle said on a yawn. His hair was sticking up in different directions, but Miikka wasn’t fairing much better.

“Yeah what he said.”

“Can I sit here too?” Pontus had a plate in his hands, and looked tired as well. He looked more rested than the other two did, but still tired nonetheless.

“Sure. Might have to get a ch...”

“Sit here. It’s fine. Miikka move!”

Miikka gave Calle a glare, but it never really reached his eyes. He moved over and Pontus was able to sit beside them in the booth. It seemed way too close for comfort, not that Pekka or Juuse minded the close space, but Juuse wasn’t sure about three dudes. Especially three fairly big hockey players sitting that close together.

Juuse would continue to wonder, but his stomach insisted that thinking too much on an empty stomach wasn’t a great idea. Pekka did give him a look, an eyebrow raised as if to ask, ‘Is something going on there?’

Juuse shrugged not sure, so Pekka shrugged too. It really wasn’t their business so they kept it to themselves, going back to their breakfast in silence. Every now and then they would steal food off of each other plates, and once Pekka fed him a strawberry that made his stomach flip flop for a totally different reason. No one said anything about it, the guys across from them silently saying that goalies were weird, and Juuse would take it.

So far no one had discovered or figured out anything between him or Pekka had changed, but they still needed to be careful. So far, they have been. Breakfast was finished much more quickly than he would have liked, and promised himself that he would make breakfast like this when the got back home. That is if Pekka let him anywhere near the stove.

They were finished before the trio, as they had started to argue over something (mostly Calle and Miikka), but then settled down as Pontus pulled out his phone, and left the three as they began cooing over some of photos of his baby girl. Juuse wasn’t sure what was going on between the three guys, but as of late Miikka and Calle have been beyond supportive by helping Pontus out in his life. Juuse was positive that being a single dad was very difficult, a joy sometimes, but difficult at times as well. So seeing how happy he was, especially with the guys helping him out was really nice to see.

He and Pekka were cleaned up and already headed out to the bus before most of the guys finally started to pile inside. Pekka said that he wanted to read some on the way to the arena so Juuse opted to sit with Miikka to discuss a new video game coming out, while Pekka sat with Emelin who mostly sat quietly. He was still fairly new to the team, but he and Pekka got along pretty well because they both enjoyed reading different books, so it all worked out well in the end. Plus, as they had discussed before, they needed some space every now and then, and that included being active with the other guys on the team.

By the time they finally arrived at the arena he could feel the pouring exhaustion from the night before start to creep right underneath his skin. He knew that sleeping with Pekka would always involve long nights, and mostly without sleep at all, but it was worth it to him. He just had to stay awake. Once they were suited up he was out on the ice warming up before morning practice.

I was way too early.

He was trying. Really he was, but it was just so tough when he felt like he might pass out at any moment. The guys in front seemed just as tired unfortunately, which wasn’t the greatest of signs. Being in net, and in front of a tired team always spelled trouble. He was going to work every inch of net and ice to the best of his abilities, but he just hoped that the guys in front of him did the same.

He couldn’t help but hiss internally as he watched Pekka grimace every now and then whenever he stretched, or made a long pass save. He skated over as they all paused to get some water, and he bumped his hip getting his attention. “You okay?”

Pekka raised an eyebrow at him, and Juuse had to bite his lip as he tried to smother his smile from appearing on his face. But he was pretty sure that he was unsuccessful. “I’m fine. A few aches and pains but nothing that some stretching can’t help. Besides, I’m sure that I can repay the favor back to you if you want after your win tonight. I’m sure you’ll have to stretch more too if you think you’re going to be taking me tonight.”

Juuse choked.

Pekka tried to hold back his own smile from appearing, but a smirk did emerge as he tried to rub his hand over Juuse’s back as he coughed up his water. “You okay bud? I think you have to learn to swallow if you’re going to take a drink of water that big.” He started to cough more. The innuendo more than obvious to him, and was made worse with Pekka saying this so calmly, and in complete English for all the guy to hear. Of course they all started to laugh, and then started to chirp him for choking on his water. Thankfully not getting what Pekka was really saying.

He was going to kill his boyfriend. Later.

The rest of practice went fairly well, but the foreboding feeling for the upcoming game that night never really went away. The feeling was made worse since their fathers and respective male father figures were all there to watch and support them. He didn’t have anyone, which still bothered him, but was more than grateful to have Pekka, and the other dads there to talk too. Most were very encouraging, and thoughtful. Especially Pekka’s father and his brother-in-law. They knew about them, but were always respectful, and gave him helpful advice that not even his own father gave to him growing up. This time though, he felt that ominous feeling that this game wasn’t going to end the way he wanted it too.

He was going to give his all, and play hard to the very end, especially with Pekka pulling out yet another shutout against the Blues the night before. He wanted to make his team proud, the dads proud, and of course, he wanted to make Pekka proud. He wanted to feel that pride pouring off of him in streams, and he wanted to feel the nightcap comfort from him after an amazing win.

He was slightly nervous because what Pekka said made him think about what he really wanted. He wanted what Pekka had jokingly suggested, but at the same time he was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to take him. He dumped all of these thoughts going back to practice, and then back to the locker room where they cleaned up and got ready to go back to the hotel before that nights game.

He struggled during their pre-game nap to sleep, even though his body was screaming of pure exhaustion. Pekka was snuggled up behind him with his leg right in between his own, just like how he liked it, with his arm laid lax over his body as his breath huffed softly as he slept. He wanted to enjoy this. Wanted desperately to snuggle back and rest in Pekka’s arms. He always made him feel safe, even during times when Pekka was the one who needed to be reassured that everything was alright. This time though nothing seemed to help.

He didn’t want to disrupt Pekka’s sleep, so he very carefully, and with some extra maneuvering shimmied his way out from underneath the warmth of his body. Pekka huffed before turning onto his stomach and sighed, still in deep sleep. Juuse sighed at the sight. His body ached to climb back into bed and snuggle back up into his delightful warmth, but his mind struggled to move. To run.

So that’s what he did.

He threw on some gym clothes, put on his tennis shoes, and walked down to the gym in the hotel. Thankfully no one was in there, otherwise he would have to venture outside, which he definitely didn’t want to do. November was cold already, and with December only a week away he was just not going to turn into Pekka and go hiking into the cold wilderness. No. Not ever. So, he turned towards one of the treadmills and set it to a nice jog, nothing too strenuous, but enough to create a blooming ache that helped him get loose. But what if he hurt himself, what if he pulled a muscle? He certainly didn’t want to do that. What if?

He started to run.

Shutting off his mind he allowed himself to jog to the hum of the treadmill, the beat of his feet hitting the tarmat underneath him, and the cool silence of the empty room around him. He closed his eyes and ran. Allowing for his body to quiet down. Allowing his mind to hum in a quiet static that made him sigh in satisfaction.

But then, then the doubt settled in.

_He was walking towards the locker rooms, but then paused as he heard whispering down the hall. He paused at the corner, not sure if he would be intruding in the conversation if he walked through. He decided that it didn’t matter until he heard his name._

_“Are you sure he’s ready for tonight?”_

_“He has to be ready. He doesn’t have a choice, we don’t have a choice.”_

_“I don’t know. I just, I just don’t think he’s ready. He needs more time.”_

_A sigh. “I know. We need to see how he performs tonight and then go from there. If he doesn’t perform the way we want then, well, then we’ll decide what to do from there.”_

_God it was the coaches. He knew that this wasn’t a conversation that he should be listening too, but his curiousity was dying to know. At the same time he had to get back to the locker room. For the time being this was the only option for him was to stay. Then…_

_“Hey.”_

_“Hey Ben.”_

_Ben? His goaltender coach?_

_“Are you talking about..?”_

_“Yes. How was he in practice?”_

_Another sigh. “He seems fine. Seems tired, probably a bit nervous, but looks determined. He’s a strong kid.”_

_A chuckle. “I know he is, but what do you think about for long term?”_

_Another sigh, and then a silence._

_“I have a good feeling that he’ll grow more with more time he has out on the ice, but I’m not sure from here on out. I don’t know. He’s a great goaltender but he just needs more time.”_

_“I agree. I think once Juus has more ice time then he’ll be another Rinne. He has the potential, but, we’ll have to weigh our options for later games coming up. We have a great team, we just need a good backup too.”_

_“Agreed.”_

_“Yes. Well, why don’t we go check on the boys and make sure they’re asses are in gear for tonight.”_

_A chuckle. “Right.”_

_He listened as the footsteps started up, and then slowly faded away, but he was frozen in place._

_‘They, they don’t, they trust me? They, they think I’m going to..to fail?’ His mind was spinning, his heart plummeting as his body went just as cold as ice. He backed up against the wall and slid down to the ground. He pulled his knees up to his chest and felt his eyes sting with the unwanted tears that he didn’t need to fall. He had to be strong, but…_

_BUT HOW COULD HE BE STRONG WHEN NO ONE BELIEVED IN HIM!_

_He felt cold and hot all at once, and he felt the harsh reality of life hit him hard in the chest. They didn’t know if they wanted him. They didn’t know if he was actually good enough to be Pekka’s backup.They didn’t know if he was even good enough to be on this team._

_He rubbed his eyes hard trying to keep the thoughts at bay, but they just wouldn’t go away. He still had to get back into the locker room. He finally got back up on uneven ground, and made his way back to the locker room_

_He threw on his media smile, and hoped none of the guys would notice. He tried, but the whole time his body and mind hummed with what he just heard. Then the doubt and worry settled deep into his conscious._

_Was he good enough?!_

_Was he worth keeping?!_

_Did anyone actually care about him?!_

_Was he loved?_

_Juus?_

_Juuse?_

JUUSE!

His eyes snapped open, and there kneeling in front of him was Pekka, looking beyond concerned, eyes still dark with sleep. “Hey. You back with me? I got worried when I couldn’t find you. I woke up and you were gone. Are you okay?”

He blinked and realized very suddenly that he was crying. He was sitting in the back corner of the room, knees against his chest, and tears were streaming down his face. That thought alone made him cry more. He couldn’t help it. Just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, but this time he wasn’t alone. He felt Pekka move, and then he was being pulled into Pekka’s lap. He turned to straddle him, and buried himself into his chest. “Sh sh baby I’m here. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay I promise. I’ve got you.”

There was no way he was going to be able to express what was going on with him internally, but Pekka was here, and he needed so badly to be loved and cared for. He needed to know that he wasn’t useless. “Pekka?”

“Yes?”

“Am I...am I useless?”

He was pulled back until Pekka could look at him, and there he saw a storm brewing behind his gray blue eyes. “Did someone say something to you? Juuse if someone is harassing you…”

“No! No. No one is harassing me. I promise.”

His eyes lightened some, but they still were dark and stormy. “Then why would you ask that? Because you have to know that you are one of the most talented and amazing tendy that I’ve ever seen before. You remind me so much of myself when I was your age. Don’t ever think you’re useless, but why do you ask?”

He shook his head. He just wasn’t ready to talk about that yet. Not because he didn’t trust Pekka, but because he wasn’t sure he trusted himself to tell him without falling apart. Pekka sighed, but he saw how his eyes changed from stormy to light again. He knew that Pekka understood what it was like to hide feeling and emotions that he couldn’t express. He knew he didn’t like it, just as much as he didn’t like it when Pekka did the same, but he would let it be. For now at least.

“Okay, but..but please. Please tell me anytime you can’t sleep, or..or you feel alone or something. I’m here, okay?”

Now it was his true to reassure his boyfriend that he was there for him too. “I promise. Next time I’ll let you know. I’m sorry that I worried you daddy.”

Pekka’s soft smile that graced his face made the deep ache feel just a little bit better, and he went to hug him close as he breathed in his ever familiar scent. “It’s fine baby. We’re a team. Just as you help to take care of me, I want to be able to do the same for you too.”

The bloom of that welcoming feeling like he had felt that morning came back to the forefront, and he had to force it to settle so the words he wanted to say didn’t come spilling out. “Okay daddy. Thank you.

“Of course baby. Now, if you feel like it we can sleep for about thirty more minutes unless you want to take a shower instead?” He had a look in his eyes that Juuse was all too familiar with by now. Pekka would accept to hold him while he rested, and he would read while he did, but…

“I feel too sweaty to sleep now, maybe you could help get me clean?”

There it was again. The stormy dark gray blue back again, but this time with a tint of purple that he knew to be arousal. “Of course baby. Have to make sure you get nice and clean everywhere. Don’t want to miss anything.”

His cheeks burned, but so did Pekka’s as a flush started to creep up his neck. Even though they were speaking privately with each other it still felt so intimate speaking aloud about what they did together. If Miikka happened to hear them then it would be all over.

He did eventually shower, but after a very thorough cleaning by Pekka which involved him bending over in the shower, and allowing Juuse to fuck him again. Then he returned the favor by showing off some more of his amazing deepthroating skills around his dick. Pekka didn’t stand a chance. After washing off they made just enough time to relax on the bed before getting up to get ready for the game.

The routine up until the game was very much the same. They ate a light dinner with the rest of the guys, got back on the bus, drove to the arena, and then were in the locker room getting suited up for the game. The Carolina Hurricanes were nearly last in the league, so in Juuse’s mind they had this. That’s what he had first thought, but then the first goal went in. Off of a deflection.

“God fucking damn,” he thought as he reset, and hoped that he didn’t screw up on the next save. He needed to win this. He just had too.

“Yes! Fucking sweet pass there Juice!” The head pats came towards his way after watching Arvi tie up the game. He had passed it to Eky seeing him wide open as the puck went behind the net. Then a sweet pass to Arvi who took it and sped in for a goal. He felt elated and let a small smile appear, happy that he was able to assist on the goal.

While they reset the ice he skated over to the bench going for a drink, which Pekka handed to him. He came off from the little chair they always give them, and leaned over the boards smiling big and wide at him. “So proud of you baby! That was so beautiful.”

He had to tone down the smile that wanted to erupt, but he gave him a small one just for him. “Thanks daddy. I’m trying.”

“You’re doing amazing. Just keep playing like you always do. You’re doing amazing out there. It’s the guys on the bench that need to pick up in front of you.”

Juuse blushed trying not to show how much Pekka praising him still affects him so much. “Thanks.”

Pekka smiled again, and he swore he was staring into the sun, and it was all his. They gave their normal fist bump and then he was skating over to the net. The 1st period remained tied, but he kept them in it, which made it all worth it. Darling on the other side was playing like he had something to prove, and he needed to make sure that he came out stronger.

Unfortunately that’s not how he ended up playing the game. They started off the 2nd period strong, Eky was on fire, and netted another goal giving them a 2-1 lead. Then a breakaway happened. He turned going to drink some water as he tried to reset and forget the goal that he had tried to save. The doubt really started to settle in.

The 2nd period ended up like the 1st. Tied. Then the 3rd ended up being the same way. Over time was brutal. He was working his ass off to keep them in this, and for all his effort they only got one shot on goal!

Then they were going into a shootout.

_“no.”_

The first save was made from Darling, and then he couldn’t make the save. The horn went off in the arena.

_“No.”_

He couldn’t make the save.

Darling makes the second save.

He couldn’t.

The horn started to blare. He began to feel a throbbing headache start to flare up at the back of his head. It was over.

_“NO NO NO NO! Please no.”_

The guys tried to give him small doses of comfort. All apologizing profusely for not working harder in front of him, and “we swear we’re going to work harder in front of you.” next time.

Would there be a next time for him?

He sat in silence the whole time as he got dressed back in his suit. The shower didn’t help. It just didn’t feel hot enough. He felt numb all over, and stayed quiet.

“Juus?”

He heard Pekka, but actually responding was not an option. He could barely hear him. He felt like he was under water. Was he drowning?

He sat in the stall for so long that his felt his legs go numb, he wanted to feel some pain. The tingling sensation made him buckle some as he was pushed back up onto his feet. Why was he moving? He felt a hand on his lower back, directing him out, almost covering him with their warmth, their body. Then the smell hit him.

Pekka.

Pekka was covering him. Why?

He allowed himself to be led out, and was hit with the unnatural pricks of the cold wind hitting his skin. He liked it. He sighed, and leaned into Pekka’s warmth. Maybe it would burn him alive.

He was moved around here and there, and the whole time he felt like he was in the deep ocean. Just sitting on the bottom floor, his movements sluggish and lazy as he let himself sink into the inky blackness that the cold water offered.

He missed the ocean. He missed home. Home. What home did he have to go back too anymore? Would he leave? Would he be traded now that he’s failed his team? Would anyone care if he left? Did they care about him now?

Sound and light filtered through his mind but none really took root within. He let himself be moved, and held, but overall he couldn’t do anything. He was moved again but this time it felt like a car, and he felt a seat belt being placed around him. He thought he could still hear them once the door was closed, but he honestly couldn’t be sure. He just hoped that they actually said everything that he heard.

“I’m taking him home. I need to try and help him if I can. If I can get him back I need to have a conversation with you and the rest of the coaching staff. This can’t happen again.”

Was Pekka mad at him? Why would he be mad at him? Oh god he did think he was useless! Oh god. No.

“I..I know. I’m sorry. He must have, god he must have heard our conversation in the hallway…”

“What conversation?!”

“Pekka come on.”

“No. If this conversation has anything to do with him breaking down then I need to know so I can fix this. Ben, he’s like a son to me, and if something happens to him then, fuck please.”

Ben sighs, “Okay. We talked about his productivity. We weren’t sure if he was producing enough for the team.”

“What?! Are you serious?! If he heard this!”

“Pekka stop I know! But that’s not what we meant. We weren’t saying we would try to trade him or give him up. Hell no! Pekka I’ve been training him, I know what I’m seeing! He’s an incredible goalie. He had the very same skills and talent like you had when you were his age. I would fight to keep him here if it ever came to that, but it won’t. We were talking about sending him back to Milwaukee for another weekend. Just to give him some more ice time. It’s our fault for not putting him in net more, but you’re producing some excellent game right now, and we need that so we can set a good place for our team in the division. I know he’s amazing, and that’s why we thought sending him back up would help him get some more ice time. More ice time means more developing. Means better saves, and a better outcome in his game. If..when he comes too, and whenever he feels like it, can you bring him in so we can talk? I need to apologize for the misunderstanding. He’s incredible, and I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

Pekka sighed, “Okay. I didn’t know for sure, but thank you for letting me know. I’ll see what I cam do. It might take a couple of days before he finally opens back up to anyone.”

“I know, and I feel terrible for it. Just give him my regards. Take care of him. I know you will.”

Juuse feels his eyes stinging, and his face feels wet, but he doesn’t make a move to wipe them away. As the car starts to move he just leans his head against the window, and stares out into the blur of the cold winter night. His chest ached, he had a pounding headache, and felt like he could sleep for days, but for whatever reason he couldn’t close his eyes.

He was moved again, but the movements were so gentle compared to the rushing motions that he had felt before. He was moved as if he might break at any moment, but that wouldn’t, couldn’t happen because he was already broken. He then felt big hands moving over his body, and a familiar voice that soothed him right down to his very core.

“Juuse, baby I need you to come back, please.”

Why? Why would he want to come back? He was there wasn’t he? He just…

“Juuse. Juuse I need you. Please.”

He couldn’t move.

He heard him sigh, and then a soft pressure to his forehead. Then he was being moved again. He was moved and then being sat down in a colder room. The bathroom, most likely. He then heard water running.  The bathroom began to gradually get warm again. He sat until he felt those familiar hands again tugging gently, and moving him as he felt his clothes start to come off. He just let it happen.

He was moved up again, and finally he stood naked in the now warm bathroom, but he didn’t feel scared, safe? Yes, safe, but still nothing else. He was moved and helped into hot water, a bath. He smell warm earthy aromas filter in through his mind and finally he felt something. That all too familiar feeling that scared him so badly, but was very sure he knew it was real, but…

He was sat down into the water, and then the rushing sound stopped. He heard nothing but a drip drip before it went quiet in the room.

“I have to go grab some towels, but I promise I won’t be long. I’m still here. I promise.” He felt a soft pressure placed onto his head again before it disappeared, and fading footsteps moving away from him. A kiss? Yes, a kiss. He was kissed.

Pekka.

He started to realize that Pekka had brought them back home. Is this home? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was he wanted to feel some sort of pain other than nothing. He had wanted to be yelled at by the staff. He had wanted to be chewed out by coach. He had wanted to be pushed around by the team, but instead he had gotten nothing. Nothing at all. Not even Pekka had said anything to him. Nothing! Not a damn thing! He had wanted anything. Anything at all other than pity! He didn’t want pity, he wanted to feel anger, pain, fault. ANYTHING! He got...nothing. Absolutely, nothing.

He didn’t want to feel nothing anymore.

He looked around and saw a razor. One of his. It wasn’t that great, but maybe…

He picked up the razor looking at the blades on the edge. It wasn’t particularly sharp but it could work maybe. Just a little bit. Just a little bit of pain wouldn’t hurt, right? The shower had done nothing. It had ran cold and that’s not what he needed. He needed sharp aching pain to help fix the the nothing he felt inside. He needed….something.

The wrist was a sensitive area, it might work.

His hand shook slightly as he moved to press the blade of the razor to his wrist. Why? Why was his hand shaking? He needed to feel something and his body was betraying him again! Why couldn’t his body see like he did that he needed this. He needed this sharp pain.

Just...

Just a little bit…

Just…

“Juuse. Juuse, I need you to listen to me right now. I need you to put the razor down.”

He looked up from where he was staring at his wrist. He saw Pekka in the doorway, staring wide-eye at him. He looked determined, but scared? Yes, Pekka was scared, why?

“Juuse. I know, I know that this means nothing compared to what happened tonight, but please, I’m here. You’re not alone. You have so many people who love you so much, and they want to see you succeed. Please.”

Love?

“Love?” His voice sounded so alien to him as he spoke. Dry and unused, but he had to know. Needed to know. Why?

“Yes! Yes so many! The staff love you, the guys, our team loves you, the coaches, Ben, your family. Everyone! Everyone loves you and wants to see you win, to be just as amazing as I already know you are. You are beyond beautiful and it’s amazing to see how much you’ve grown.”

He felt the stinging in his eyes again, and finally Finally he felt something again. Something familiar. Anger.

“Me! People love me! No they don’t! Everyday I hear them saying I need more time, or I need to be sent back. No one actually wants me here! If they did they wouldn’t be trying so hard to see me fail or to send me back!”

“Juuse that’s not true.”

“YES IT IS!” He screamed, and silence followed. Maybe this time Pekka would finally yell at him. He needed him too.

“You know it’s true! Everyone says it all of the time! I see it online, I read it in articles, even on TV they’re talking about how I’m so much trouble for you guys, that I’m not worth it. That I’m useless.”

“Juuse you know that’s not true, and even if they do they don’t see what I can see. I know how important and talented you are. People do love you and you have to see that.”

“Who? Who loves me really? Hm? Certainly not my family who always manage to be busy when I really need them here. Not the coaches or the staff because they’re ready to see me gone before I’m even really settled back in. Not even the team! Who always seem to fall apart when they’re playing in front of me! No one! Not one single person loves me!”

“Yes there is!”

“Oh really? Who?”

“Juuse.”

“Pekka tell me who?!”

“Juuse just stop.”

“No! Who is it?!”

Pekka is right by the bathtub in an instant.

“Juuse stop!”

He stands up abruptly matching his stance. He knows he’s not as tall but he doesn’t care. The fury that runs through his veins is so much stronger as he grips the razor in his hand, posed right at his skin.

“WHO?!"

Pekka suddenly is grabbing his arms, with a fierce look in his eyes.

“ME! Me Juuse! I love you!”

He froze.

Suddenly every single feeling and emotion came slamming into him like a speeding freight train. He went lax in Pekka’s arms, staring up into his eyes as his own eyes started to blur with tears.

“What?”

“I love you. I think I’ve always loved you. I know. I know it’s too soon. I know it’s too early, and I don’t except you to say anything, but I promise you. I love you Juuse, so much. Never ever think I won’t ever love you.”

Tears started to spill down his cheeks, just as his hands went limp, and he dropped the razor onto the floor. His chest started to ache, and a sob finally escaped his throat. Everything he had wanted to feel finally came flooding back to him. He closed his eyes and finally released everything he had wanted to feel. He soon felt Pekka wrap his arms around him, and pulled him against his chest. He knew that he was probably getting his suit wet but he didn’t care, he was pretty sure Pekka didn’t care either. He finally felt what he needed to feel.

Loved.

Pekka stroked his hands over his back, and spoke soft soothing nothings that meant the world to him. Pekka loved him, and he knew this wasn’t something fake. This was real, even if everyone else in the world didn’t love him, he always knew that Pekka did. Gradually the feeling started to subside, and he was left with a dull ache. His throat, his eyes, and his whole body hurt, but he hadn’t felt so good in a very long time.

“Hey let me move for just a second okay? Sh it’s okay I’m right here I promise.” He didn’t want to move, but he watched as Pekka removed his own clothes and shoes, and then was helping him to sit back down as Pekka climbed in behind him. He turned going to straddle his lap, and bury himself into the warmth and comfort of his body. The water pooled around them as Pekka moved to hold him again, but this time he started to wash him clean, and gave him soft kisses as he did.

Pekka kissed over his skin making a trail of goosebumps rise up as he did. He felt so much love for this man he was sure he was going to explode. He wanted to say it, but just wasn’t sure if he could yet. He wanted to tell him, but his mind still held him back from what he really wanted to do.

“Hey? What’s with the frown hm? Are you okay? Do you not like this?”

He shook his head instantly, “No I do, I just..I want to tell you too. I just, I’m…”

“Sh Juuse it’s fine. I know. Listen, when or if you want to say anything just know my feelings will never change. I’m..I’m just, I’m just so sorry I never told you before. I’m sorry.”

Juuse knew right then and there that the feelings were real. He could still show how he felt even if he couldn’t say those few words just yet. He moved his hands up, cupping his face, and then leaned down to kiss him long and deep. This kiss wasn’t a typical kiss. This was a deep seeded kiss that came so far rooted down that he was sure Pekka knew how he felt without having to say a word. Pekka kissed back just as passionately, putting every ounce of love into it as he could.

The feeling continued all the way through their time in the bath, which led them all the way back into the bedroom. He wanted to burn in this feeling, and feel it take him alive. Pekka was so gentle and soft as he laid him back onto the bed. He looked up and he saw the question there

“Yes, make love to me Pekka. Make love to me.” It was as close to saying what he wanted to express as any, but it still had the desired effect that he wanted.

He watched as Pekka’s eyes grew darker, not just with the arousal that matched his own, but also with the newfound love that they had firmly set with each other. It went deeper than he thought he could feel so soon, but he supposed that it was there all along, and now it was finally getting to come out.

Pekka crawled up until he was over his body, warm, naked, and lax on the bed. He wanted to be covered, and he wanted to be touched. He wanted everything that Pekka felt for him. He reached down grabbing one of Pekka’s hands, and slid it down until he was touching his dick. Pekka gasped as he felt how hard he was already, the love that he made him feel burning him up.

“Yes, please Pekka touch me. I need you to touch me.”

He listened as Pekka groaned low in the back of his throat before he finally smothered his body with his own, making him spread his legs wide as the arousal of the moment nearly swallowed him. His mouth on his own felt even more possessive and true as the dull ache from before started to lift and subside. Their tongues danced together, teeth nipped at his bottom lip as he felt Pekka finally firm his grip over his hard dick.

He gasped into his mouth, a slight whine in his voice as he slowly started to stroke him. His eyes squeezed shut as the pleasure of the moment coursed right through him, and he wanted so desperately to feel him too, didn’t want it to just be him. But it seemed that Pekka had other ideas.

“Let me take care of you tonight please. I want to show you just how much I love you. I hope this will be okay?”

He wasn’t sure what he meant before he watched as Pekka stopped, then he was leaning over to the bedside table, and going to pull out the lube from the drawer. He then moved down from his body as Juuse watched the whole time. His eyes grew wide as he saw Pekka move to stretch himself wide, knees bent over his body, his long cock hanging in between his legs as he slicked up his fingers, and then moved his hand back behind him.

“Oh fuck,” Juuse whispered.

He was used to seeing some pretty erotic sights, but watching Pekka get down into a butterfly position over him, just so he could finger himself was almost too much for him to handle. It was made worse at the very moment he knew Pekka had pushed a finger into his body as he eyes closed and a deep moan escaped his lips. He bent his head down onto his thigh, as his other hand moved to give his own cock a couple of strokes.

Juuse could have came right then and there.

The sight was almost too much. He had to close his eyes and take a couple of deep breaths otherwise he knew it would be over way too quickly. He debated getting a hand on his own dick, but that idea was quickly thrown out the window as Pekka managed to move up just enough so he could wrap his lips around his cock.

“Pekka,” he gasped in a whisper as he watched Pekka’s perfect lips start to suck and lick up his shaft.

He whined as he felt Pekka hollow out his cheeks, swallowing hard around him as he bobbed his head up and down over his member. It was almost too much, and he was just about to beg Pekka just to let him cum, but then that perfect wet heat was gone before he could ask for more. Another whine had escaped from his lips, but as he opened his eyes again he saw Pekka stretching himself back out again, and moving back up his body. He straddled his hips with a slight smirk on his face, and he knew what was about to happen next.

“I think I’m ready now, but would you like to check for yourself?” He knew Pekka was trying to be innocent about his query, but it was far from anything innocent.

“Yeah, yes please, let me feel.”

Pekka smirked, a blush gracing his skin as he moved further up his body, and slide Juuse’s hand back behind him until he was skimming his finger over his wet hole.

“Holy fuck,” it was the only thing he could really say at the moment as his fingers easily slid into Pekka’s wet heat, still tight, but loose enough for his cock.

Pekka agreed about the pleasure as well as a deep rumble vibrated from his chest. He hummed as Juuse fingered him a bit more before removing them, and then sliding both his hands up to squeeze his firm ass.

“I think you’re ready too. Whenever you’re ready I’d like to fuck you now,” Pekka’s response was instantaneous. A deep moan escaped him as he moved back down just enough to where Juuse’s cock brushed up against his rim.

“Ready?” Pekka panted.

God he was more than ready. “Yes, please Pekka I want to feel you.”

Pekka gave him a look that melted his heart, a look of both love and arousal that combined to make him gooey all over. The older man moved his hand back behind him, and grasped Juuse’s dick while moving slightly up onto his knees, before pushing back onto him. The first breach into his hot heat almost made him cum on the spot, but he was able to rally himself as Pekka took deep breaths with each time he sunk down more and more before Juuse was finally seated deep inside of him.

“Oh fuck! Pekka! Pekka please! I need you to move please!” He never thought he would ever consider himself a bossy bottom, but honestly he was. Top or bottom, he always found himself begging or bossing Pekka around. Pekka didn’t seem to mind, and if he were honest, he was pretty sure that Pekka got off on it. The older man got the message though as he began to move, sliding up from his cock, before sitting himself back down again. It was a process of rolling his hips, and grinding himself down onto him, but he watch as he eventually found a suitable rhythm, and soon he was watching Pekka throw his head back, eyes closed, and panting as he rode Juuse’s hard member.

He couldn’t seem to look away as he watched Pekka in the throes of pleasure as he completely gave himself over to riding Juuse’s dick into next week. He felt a moment of deep satisfaction knowing that he would be the only one from now on that would get to see Pekka like this. On the brink of unimaginable pleasure that he just didn’t hold himself back. In his home he let himself go. He watched as he whined and groaned. He cried out as he hit that sweet spot deep inside of his body, and praised Juuse’s for how good his dick felt inside of him. All in all this wasn’t what set him off, no, what set him off was watching Pekka finally let go, and cum hard over him dick.

“Juus, Juuse! Please! I need to cum! Please let me cum!” 

Juuse had been so mesmerized the whole time that when he begged to cum he had to snap himself from his pleasurable daze to get a hand around the older man’s cock. “You want to cum?”

Pekka shook his head vigorously.

“Then cum for me daddy.”

The instant the words slipped out Pekka’s whole body convulsed and his cock pulsed as he came over his abdomen and even hitting his chin. A steady stream of ‘I love Yous’ escaped from him as he came, and finally he was coming back down to earth as his body couldn’t give anymore. Juuse squeezed him as much as he needed before a whine escaped him as the feeling was too much. Juuse let him go, but now he was desperate to cum himself. The moment was too much, and he was in a desperate state to cum as well.

He felt a whine come through from him as Pekka started to move off from his cock, and he collapsed onto the bed next to him. He sighed knowing that sometimes Pekka would have the best intentions, but he would at times forget himself and cum before he did. He didn’t mind, he still loved his man no matter what, and he started to move a hand down to his neglected member to get himself off. But then he heard a grunt from Pekka as he started to shove him over.

“No, you move.”

Juuse was confused, but he complied as he watched Pekka move back into the center of the bed. He realized very quickly what he was doing as he went to turn to lay onto his back, and he spread his legs out in open invitation.

“I want you back inside me please. I want you like this.”

If Juuse didn’t love him before he knew 100% without a doubt that he loved him now too. Juuse moved quickly back in between Pekka’s spread legs, and after getting a pillow underneath his hips, Juuse was sinking right back into his warm wet hole. He groaned in satisfaction as he sunk back inside of him, and Pekka wrapped his legs around him, urging him to start moving.

“Come on baby, take your pleasure too.”

Juuse wasn’t going to say no to that. He slid his hands over Pekka’s hips and then started to move, enjoying the slide and heat around his engorged cock. He knew that he wouldn’t last long after watching Pekka’s hot display as he rode him into completion. He leaned up as much as he could, taking Pekka’s lips back against his own as he ground himself into his warm heat, and allowed himself to edge closer to his own climax. He panted hotly into his mouth before the familiar curl of that rising heat inside him was about to peak. 

“Pekka.”

“Yes baby, come Juus come for me. Come inside me, I want to feel you. You always feel so good inside me. I love you so much.”

That’s what did it for him.

He tipped over the edge and whined as he came hard deep into Pekka’s heat. He heard the older man hum, a deep rumble of pleasure rise from his throat as he finished off inside of him. His body finally gave way as he became weak, but Pekka brought him down onto his body, wrapping him up into his arms as they both came down from the climax of the moment. Slowly he was able to come back, and as he did he felt gentle kisses being placed to the top of his head, and sweet nothings being whispered to him as familiar hands stroked over his sweaty back.

He was able to raise himself up just enough so he could lean back in to kiss the older man, who responded in kind with a deep kiss of his own. They stayed wrapped around each other for awhile before the need to move became too unbearable. Juuse slipped out from his body, making a slight hiss escaped Pekka before landing on the bed next to him. He hadn’t realized that he had fell asleep before a warm wet cloth was being moved along his skin, making him smile as he opened his eyes to see the man his loved staring right back at him.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

He knew it was a loaded question, but he understood what he meant.

“Good, really good, and tired too.”

“Good,” Pekka smiled and then went to toss the cloth to the side before crawling back, and moving the covers until it was over both of their bodies. He was quick to move back into Pekka’s warmth, which was gladly given, as the older man wrapped him back up into the safety of his arms. A sigh escaped his lips before he finally let himself close his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Juuse sighed. He knew that he needed to talk about this, even as hard as it was, but it was better than not talking at all. “I’m..I’m okay. I’m not..completely better. I still feel like I could have done more, should have done more, but I know too that it wasn’t all my fault. I’m sorry that I scared everyone.”

“No, Juuse no. Never ever be sorry for any of that. It was a tough loss and one that you didn’t deserve, and with everything you heard as well I’m surprised something didn’t happen sooner. But Juuse, I..I know I’m not..perfect, but I do hope that you will come to me if you ever get that far deep again. You have to trust me to be able to help you, just as you helped me, always help me. And I know this won’t be a instant fix overnight, but I do hope that you will let me help you heal, and trust that the team has your back. I know it’s going to be hard, but just know that you’re not alone in this. The team, the coaches, everyone, and me. I will always be here for you.”

Juuse felt his eyes sting with the tears that he thought were already gone, but Pekka was already pulling him back gently against him as he wept yet again onto his chest. Pekka was nothing but sturdy and strong as he cried softly against him, one hand stroking over his back while the other tangled into his hair. He knew that nothing was perfect, and he knew that everything wouldn’t, couldn’t be fixed right away, but he did know that as long as he had Pekka, then he would never have to be alone.

“I love you so much Juuse, don’t ever forget that.” 

Juuse hugged the older man close as he let himself shed the tears of so many years of faults and failures that he’s ever felt come back to the surface. He let himself become open and vulnerable to the one man that he could trust, to the one man he loved. One day he would be able to say the words, but for now he just let the warmth that the older man gave him, wash deep into his heart.

Sleep did eventually come, and when it did, it was with two goalies, two lovers wrapped around each other, safe from the outside world.

The End

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 
> 
> You guys have been so amazing and loving through this journey of mine. I had so many people encouraging me and sending me so much love that I knew I had to get this done. Not just done, but the best that I could give you guys. 
> 
> This was such an emotional chapter for me to write, because of how much this hits home for me. I've struggled for the longest to allow myself to believe that I was worth something, and there are still some days that I feel like I'm not good enough, but I've found some amazing people that love me, and I love them in return. I hope that this story will help any of you that is reading this, or to know that you're not alone.
> 
> If ever you feel like you need to reach out to someone, or feel like you're in need you can call the **National Suicide Prevention Lifeline** it operates 24/7 every day of the week, and this the number you can call if ever you need too: **1-800-273-8255**
> 
> Otherwise I love all you guys, you guys are amazing, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. As always you can come chat or say hi on[Tumblr!](http://superdarkrose.tumblr.com/) Kudos and comments are always welcomed, and trust me, there is so much more to come....
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  **List of upcoming stories:**  
> 
> 
>  
> 
> Pekka/Juuse:  
> -Chapter 2 for this story - 'Come Here. Let Me Fix That.'  
> -Midnight Calls  
> -'A Story Of Silence & Growth' - Goalie Nesting
> 
> Calle/Miikka/Pontus Aberg:  
> -'I'm Not Bothering You, Am I?'
> 
> Nicklas Backstrom/Alexander Ovechkin:  
> -'Touch Starved'  
> -'Are you Nicky?' Uber Driver!AU
> 
> Fun Fact: (I honestly can't remember if I did this fun fact or not, but it's still really scary and I can't believe this actually happened to him!) In the summer of 2006, Pekka had gone out with a couple of his friends back home in Finland, but while they were leaving they were confronted by a couple of men. They tried to leave, stating to not wanting to start anything, and in the process of trying to leave Pekka was "roughed up by a couple of unknown assailants" and during the fight, he dislocated his shoulder. As a result, he had to have surgery and missed the first four months of the season.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! Thank you! Everyone that has kept up with my stories thank you so much, you are a true star, and I love you. 
> 
> This was originally apart of another story, but I decided to make it it's own story! I'm hoping to start writing some more stories for this pairing later, but for now I really wanted to write this story up. As always I love you all, and kudos and comments are more than welcomed, and I have a [Tumblr](http://superdarkrose.tumblr.com/) as well! Come visit and say hi!
> 
> For those of you wondering about that episode of [Beneath The Ice](https://www.nhl.com/predators/video/beneath-the-ice-s3e6-a-return/t-277437416/c-48366603)...let me tell you, its a gift, and yes Pekka referred to himself as daddy, and Juuse agreed with him. It features a whiny Pekka at the very beginning about his water bottle, Pekka and Juuse shamelessly flirting all the while trying to hide the major daddy kink going on, and Miikka, who was just trying to peel potatoes. XD This actually happened, you should go witness this incredible moment if you haven't already!
> 
> Fun Fact: From Dec.19th - Dec. 23rd was the first time this season that the Nashville Predators have lost three games in a row. Two at home, and one game away. It was also the first time this season that a goaltender was pulled out of game to be replaced by the backup. Pekka had let up 4 goals within the first 5 minutes in the 1st period against the Carolina Hurricanes on Dec.21st, and he was replaced by Juuse after the fourth goal went in. Not so good. :(


End file.
